Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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