Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
