Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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