I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
