fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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