Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
