"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
