You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
