I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
