i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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