I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
