how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
