Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
