Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
