after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
