Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
