I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
