My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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