it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
