Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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