there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
