If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
