A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
