Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
