Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
