Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
