Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
