she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
