On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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