is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
