Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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