OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
