You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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