guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
