Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
