Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
