Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
