dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
