She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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