Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
