afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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