At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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