I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
