you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
