It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
