Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
