my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
