So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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