Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
