Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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