I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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